Positively Positive, Living with HIV
Introduction: Positively Positive - Living with HIV
POSITIVELY POSITIVE - A Spiritual Journey from Fear to Love
On November 28th 1985, I was told by my doctor
to inform my family, arrange my finances and funeral. I had six
months to live! After four years of living in fear, my
life took a dramatic turn and I embarked on a spiritual journey
from fear to Love! Healing does not necessarily mean cure of disease,
but healing our mind and transforming our body to realize its
full potential, joy and purpose! Learning about the influence
that our thoughts have on our life and health; from breakdown
to breakthrough! Living today as healthy and as fully as you can,
mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually! The
Abundance of Life does not come from what one can provide for
oneself, but it is provided in our connectedness. I Show UP For
We don't usually look at AIDS-or any life threatening illness-as an
opportunity. But, without diminishing the seriousness of the disease
or sentimentalizing its impact, it can be, a wake
Our judgments and those we place on others, contribute to our DIS-EASE
and disease. It also plays a role in how we judge and treat disease.
Showing up exactly who we are and not hiding any aspect of ourselves,
will contribute to the ease with which we live. Defining ourselves and
differences especially around illness and disease allows victimizing
and undermining self-esteem and health.
Myself and others realize the importance in helping and educating others
so we can create a shift in perception. Many people in society today
have gone into the closet, and there are many shelves housing sexuality,
alcohol, drug abuse, physical abuse, dis-ease and disease, mental, emotional,
physical and spiritual, to name a few. We are withdrawing and hiding
ourselves from everyone, and including, ourselves. This is all a part
of who we are and what is going on in our lives. We need to bring these
things out of the closet, away from Fear. There is more POWER in people
knowing the TRUTH, than there is in hiding.
My life has been so changed, going from fear; to removing the blocks
that kept me from being my true self and living a full and healthy LIFE.
We can all heal, but it has to be as a whole we recognize the importance
to show ourselves! Except one and all; for we are all here together,
connected. Nothing is happening to one of us, but affecting all of us!
I used to believe that I couldn't make a difference, but I have since
learned and seen that we all can! Love is the WAY!
Whether YOU are affected by, or infected with HIV/AIDS, we must cross
the boundaries of Fear and Discrimination. To join OUR Hearts and OUR
Hands, in the realization we are ALL here to LOVE one another. I join
with you, so we create a shift in thinking around HIV/AIDS, and ALL
The one thing that I can say about living with HIV and the illness, because it was a constant death threat, is that life was the most important thing to me; every experience that I had and every person that I was with. Because I had what I thought was a shadow hanging over me, I might never have that experience or ever be with that person again. This actually enriched my experience with everyone, and everywhere I went and everything I did. I learned to have such a wonderful appreciation for each and every moment that we have.
HIV has been my biggest teacher, a gift that taught me the importance
of being ALIVE. Taking responsibility for
me, Positively Positive, is insurance to maintain
health, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. My life is
not about Death and Dying, but about living moment to moment, in the
NOW! My life is filled with Abundance, Peace and Love.
I will continue to project out to the Universe, with the hope others
will hear and contribute to the many MIRACLES
we have yet to create for ourselves.
I would like to thank everyone
who has contributed to my WELLNESS, and what
is NOW my Life!
Everything you teach you are learning. Teach only
LOVE, and learn that LOVE is yours and you are LOVE. - A Course
The knowing that we are ALL connected is
life's purpose! Life means less otherwise.
Welcome to Positively Positive, I'm happy
to have connected!
POSITIVELY POSITIVE - A Spiritual Journey from Fear to Love
The heart being the
central point of spirit feeling in our physical bodies, this center,
the heart, is spirit feeling. That spirit is Love. When we are
free, we are living fully in spirit. In this physical body we
are experiencing spirit having a human experience. Spirit is Love,
Joy, Peace and Abundance! Outside of this body this is our experience
in totality, infinitely, all that is! Being spirit in this physical
body we have the opportunity of a lifetime to experience what
could not be realized, known, without this human experience of
physical feelings available.
Being Love and touching, being Joy and bringing it to
all you see and touch, is Love in physical form. Peace beyond any of
man, women or child's descriptions of peace. At best, to be at peace
means to be a peace keeper of Love on the planet and throughout the
Universe. Bringing with it Abundance beyond our widest dreams; each
moment in this physical body knowing the Truth of who you are, and will
Who we ARE is Love. In the physical body we have feelings
and translate these feelings though the mind and associate these feelings
with emotions. An experience we would not have, if not in this human
experience. The mind and the heart center, radiate the spirit consciousness.
When we feel on an emotional level, this is the heart opening. Mind
and spirit! The mechanisms of the mind are recognizing and remembering
spirit. The physical body allows for feelings not of spirit but of body.
In this body we have consciousness, consciousness of spirit, and that
we are Love. We have this on a cellular level. The mind has created
recognition of spirit. The heart center and emotions are spirit expressing.
Opening up! When we feel, we feel from spirit. From Love! The physical
allows the feeling of being filled with Love. Reminding us, who we are.
It is important to understand when your heart opens to love, to caring,
to recognize you are feeling the Truth of who you are.
Love IS. Spirit IS. Always will be! When in this physical
body or not, spirit exists always, in each and every moment, and eternity.
This is our joined opportunity to express spirit in human form. It is
in this human form we can recognize we All are spirit! We all intuitively,
instinctually, spiritually, know this of ourselves. And we can recognize
we are All here together. It has been said many times, there is only
one of us here!
To recognize we are spirit, is to realize we are ALL here
together, connected. The abundance of life does not come from what one
can provide for ones self, but it is provided in our connectedness.
( Connectedness: this word is not by me, but of me ). A single individual
cannot provide everything, providing for every need, want and desire.
For there is a reality that exists unto itself; one where everything
we need, want and desire is here! It always was and shall always be.
Our needs, wants and desires are to be LOVED. We are LOVE,
alone this would be pointless. Together, experiencing Love and Loving;
we nurture our spirit and the spirit in each other. The oneness, united,
loving, caring for all. Somewhere along our physical path, we may have
forgotten who we are and why we are here. To learn and grow, is to have
the opportunity; this Gift, given a physical body to house our spirit,
physically being born of LOVE. To learn and grow with physical expression
of spirit; is for a time.
My time is endless. Yours and mine will always be for
eternity. You see, we All are forever together. A whole, not a part,
but one! Loving and caring for one another and all! It is when we see
ourselves as separate we lack Love, Joy, Peace and Abundance. Alone
there is no purpose. Alone we struggle endlessly yearning for all things.
Of Love, life brings the richness to our experience. Our God given gift
is one which resides within us and all around us. The Gift of understanding
who we are, we are then able to share this gift with one another.
From lack, from lack of Love, we have experienced the
aloneness, and on a mental and emotional level created in our mind an
expression of thought. Alone we created Fear. Together in Love there
is nothing to fear, only Love. There is caring; we are taken care of,
loved and never alone. How can anyone feel lack of Love when they know
all hold you in their hearts?
The lack of Love we feel on this planet is based and created
from separation and fear. This to, has given learning and understanding
to this human experience. We can choose! Our Gift is one of choice!
To recognize we are spirit having a human experience and be all that
we are and can be in this experience! We can choose Love, or we can
choose a mindful thought like fear. Lack of Love will fill a fearful
thought. Love will erase the fear.
Our separation is created in mindful thought not of Love.
Where there is lack of anything, these thought forms develop. What is
not of the spirit is of the mind. It is in our mind we have created
Life is not of separateness, but of togetherness. Life
is not about lack, but of Love. If separation or judgment be made at
all, there is only one consideration. Has an individual received Love,
or Lack of Love?
I want to be part of giving where there is lack. Providing
Love, rather than more lack; replacing ones lack and fear, with Love.
For us to move ever forward in our experience we will move away from
fear and separation.
It is my part, connected to the whole, I give myself
to LOVE. United in Love, we all move ever forward in it!
From the time we are born, all we are doing is eating
and sleeping, who we Are is Love! Our experiences teach us, through
our parents and environment around us! Labeling our feelings! These
handed down from those around us and the messaging of our history, up
bringing, environment and society. In our DNA there is a coding that
plays a part in dictating aspects of our human experience. Mind, creating
ego and personality! But, who we are is a spirit, and that spirit is
LOVE. The remembering of this is complicated by the many levels of emotions
we must work through where we may have suppressed our spirit. Constantly
told how to feel, how to behave, what to think, what to do! Taking on
worry, fear, guilt and anger! Time spent totally out of sink with the
Loving spirit we are.
When we recognize from the pain of those feelings
not of Love, and the desire to connect with spirit, then can we move
from fear to LOVE.
by Bradford McIntyre, Positively Positive
To all of you here on this journey called life
...Thank you for the lessons learned and the LOVE received. This
site is dedicated to YOU! The Wonder of YOU, the Magnificence
of YOU! You are a Divine Magnificent Expression of LIFE! Thank
You for the riches of LIFE! You have brought us all closer to
the Light of knowing LOVE is the way.
Thank You to Hanna Lorie in Mexico whose screen door had
a sticker across the middle beam dividing the screens...LOVE IS THE
WAY! Hanna gave me a crystal and told me to focus on positive thoughts
and use the crystal; planting thoughts as a reminder and affirmations
of the power of those thoughts. From then on my thoughts turned to LOVE,
Strength and Health.
Thank You to Diahne,
an extraordinary woman whom I had never known, who came to me
specifically to tell me "I had suffered long enough, and
hard enough, it was time to get on with my life"! Diahne
was a catalyst in bringing to my consciousness; the meaning of
LIFE! We are all here to LOVE one another! Diahne if you are out
there, look where I went with the life force you instilled in
me! I believe this was the start, the beginning of my new journey.
The early beginning’s of “ ”
Thank You to Beverly Blanchard a gracious friend who pointed
out to me some of the many negative words in my vocabulary. Can't, can't
this, can't that, should of, would of, could of and others. The beginnings;
of understanding the power of the word; what we say and how it is manifested
throughout our lives!
Thank You to Marilyn Neudorf my counselor at AIDS Ottawa
who taught me to ask for help and let others know I needed help. She
gave me an exercise, homework, to in some way no matter how big or small,
to ask for help! No one can do it alone!
Thank You to Reiki Master and loving friend,,
for teaching me I don't have to show up for my fear, “Life’s
a Celebration you don't need an invitation to Celebrate, Celebrate Life"!
Thank You to Rinaldo Connonico of in Ottawa. The kindest, most generous and loving
man I have ever known. Rinaldo would always say he was not my
boss, but that we work together and we are friends. He took care
of me in ways he didn't know; for those years before he knew I
was infected with HIV. When I did tell Rinaldo I was living with
HIV, I did not loose my employment, but instead, understood the
power of LOVE! Thank you Rinaldo and Pat; for taking such good care of me!
Thank You to the North American Indians for watching over
the sacred site of the atop Medicine Mountain in
the Bighorn Mountains; a part of northern Wyoming's Big Horn Range
in the United States. (The term "medicine wheel" was
first applied to the Big Horn ). It was there I
stumbled or was guided to find my way to the top and offer up
my disease while meditating at the wheel. I am grateful to the
Indian guide for telling me about the wheel and for his acknowledgment
and handshake when he said “Thank You for using the wheel”!
The tears washed down my face as I walked down the mountain and
my body was cleansed of scars, pain and disease mentally, emotionally,
physically. I am forever with GOD.
“Eventually one gets to the Medicine Wheel to fulfill
Old Mouse, Arikara leader
Thank You to the people of Vancouver for your warm reception
and friendship when first visiting and since! It was at a lookout
on the Burrard Street Bridge, just days before having to return
to Ottawa; I had a vision. While gazing out at the mountains,
boats and tankers in the sea, the sky line, the majesty of it
all, I thought to come out about my HIV infection when I returned
to Ottawa. It was then, in 1994, I was free to be OUT ABOUT
HIV! This in turn, brought me back to live in the Vancouver
I love. Thank you for your support for my return, you made it
Thank You to a photographer who's
vision it was to make “.” Thank you for including
me in the book. A warm and truly wonderful book of photographs
of people across Canada living with HIV/AIDS. Understanding our
connectedness was shown me, having participated in this heart
Thank You to Dini Petty and Randy Guliver for their caring
and many kindnesses. I wrote and they were touched, inviting me to be
a guest on . Going public on national television, voicing I was HIV+, allowed me to finally let go of the fear and hiding; worry of people finding out I was HIV infected. This experience catapulted me yet again; in the way of LOVE.
Thank You to everyone involved with ,
a play inspired by the FULL CIRCLE Project , A Youth Prevention & Sexuality Education Initiatve.
"On stage we honour the stories, the people and especially Bradford McIntyre, who "is living positively with HIV." Lidia D'Angelo,
Thank you to Director/Principal Investigator - Josephine MacIntosh, Director - Lidia D'Angelo, Sound Tech - Dan Fehr,
Videographer - Dan Rubin and all of the Cast: Ashley Dryburgh, Liz Dunsmore, Aubrie Karangianis, Dane Loucks, Katherine Mackey, Ryan Morley, Jen Quinn, Dave Stanfield, Tabetha Telford, and Tony Yip.
Thank You Lois Brassart.......in sickness and in health,
relationship married in friendship. At my bedside when my heart stopped
and near death experience, Lois like no other has witnessed and understands
my faith. Lois, she herself is truly a bright shining star.
Thank You to my Loving family. To my mother Olga McIntyre, whose love,
zest for life, as well as sense of humour I carry. To my father Percy McIntyre,
who taught me the meaning and importance of forgiveness! My parents
and my Gramma and Grampa's love, was the foundation for which
I learned unconditional LOVE! To my loving sister Heather Uksik, loving
brothers Paul McIntyre and who feed my spirit with the spiritual food
of life, Sisterhood/Brotherhood, I love you with all my heart!
Thank you to my nephew Trevor Uksik for building this website.
I remember in 1985, going to one of Trevor's computer classes
when he was only five years old. The same year I was told that
I had six months to live; I never thought I would see Trevor grow
up, but I have! And so much more!
Thank You to Deni Daviau. We met on the Internet, in an
International spirituality chat room but it turned out we lived only
five blocks away from each other! You are my best friend, my spouse
and my soul mate. Never have I felt so loved. I am grateful and feel
very blessed to have lived and shared all that we are and I pray we
can continue for many more years to come!
Thank You to: Dr. Michael Garbol, Dr. Ole Hammerberg,
Dr. Kelly McGinnis, Dr. Roland Leger, Dr. Denis M. Conway, Dr.
Iain Mackie, Dr. Robert Keyes, Dr. Alastair McLeod,
Dr. Joss De
Wet, Dr. Lawrence S. Halparin, Dr. K. Stothers,
Dr. Stephen A. Sharp,
Dr. Sean-Peter Sikorski, Dr. Langston Raymond, Dr. Bin K. Lim,
Dr. Aaron Christopher Hoo N.D, Dr. Peter Velthuis,
Dr. Alastair Carruthers and Dr. Jean Carruthers, Dr. Robert Reynolds,
Dr. Brian Conway,
Dr. David Hall, Dr. Julio Montaner, Dr. Silvia Guillemi and the nurses and
healthcare professionals; who have all contributed to my wellness!
I don't take a moment
for granted and I give thanks many times each and every day. Everyone I
knew infected with HIV, in and around the same time I
found out I was infected; they are all gone! And many more since!
But not forgotten, I carry each and everyone of them with me in my heart always and they are my ANGELS watching over me.
As I reflect over
these years living with HIV, my thoughts are always directed towards
the many people I love. The people in my life and all our caring
and sharing for one another; has filled these years with endless
affirmations that life is about LOVE.
Miracle after Miracle was shown me; what many years
ago was an agonizing life of fear, has been turned around to one
filled with such Joy and Love. I am very grateful to everyone
in my life!
Light and Love
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Introduction: Positively Positive, Living
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